I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
