i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
