My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
