she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
