i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish i was in the wii world.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
