Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
