And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
