I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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