You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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