you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
