If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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