My hair reeks of homosexuality.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
