I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
