Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
