Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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