he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
