we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
