i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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