Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
