Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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