I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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