I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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