just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
