I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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