my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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