so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
