Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
