the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
only you would photoshop your dick
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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