dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
