So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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