He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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