They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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