Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
