We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
