Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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