my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize