Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
