Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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