he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
