It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
