So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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