Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize