Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
