Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
