In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
