using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
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Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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