About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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