So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
