i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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