There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
