neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
