I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
