The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
