I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
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I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You made out with two different species that night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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