Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
