I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just want to make out with him forever
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
