dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
