You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
