I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
