i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize