In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
