I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
