This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
