I smell stomach acid.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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