just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
