thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
