i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
