You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So squirting runs in the family.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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