Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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